Tipsy at The Pool

Today was freaking amazing.  It was my day off and I definitely spent it the right way.  I got a light glow from the sun, drank watermelon cocktails and ate french fries.  Doesn't get much better than that.  I didn't think I was going to be in a great mood this morning, considering the night I had. 

Around 10pm last night, I started hearing scary noises.  My dramatic mind immediately thought it was people trying to break in.  I laid in my bed, eyes wide and ears open.  After an hour of being too scared to look outside, I woke Alexa up.  She confirmed that the noises were creepy and we got the nerve to tip toe out of our room.  We thought someone was stuck on the roof and banging to get in but neither of us were brave enough to set out on a rescue mission.  Instead, we ran downstairs and asked Seri (our volunteer leader) to look for the noise.  He searched the house and just as he opened the door to the roof..... A MONSTER ATTACKED HIM AND ATE HIS BRAINS!!!!  Okay, not really...  we never found out where the noise was coming from.  But that's a boring end to the story, so I maintain it was a monster.

Tired from last night's shenanigans, I decided to sleep in.  It was too hot though, so I took a long, cold shower.Katie and I weren't leaving for the Villa Lanka pool until 10, so I relaxed and did crossword puzzles until it was time to go. 

When we got there, we ordered cocktails and jumped in the pool.  The afternoon was spent in the hot, Cambodian sun, listening to our ipods and sipping on drinks.  We left in total relaxation.  On our way home we stopped at Blue Pumpkin.  I got passion fruit sorbet and fresh banana bread. 

Now I'm back home and continuing my great day.  More crossword puzzles and ice cold water are in store for me.   Hopefully no scary monster noises tonight...

Let's Make Fun of Autism

Home from my placement and quite annoyed.  Today, I held the one month old, Pissat.  As much as that relaxed me, I still came home pissed off.  I don't enjoy watching disabled children be mistreated and I don't enjoy watching the kids without disabilities get rewarded for bad behavior.  ...Makes my skin crawl.

While holding Pissat, I watched the children who have CP get fed their meals.  The Cambodian women drag them by their legs to a dirty mat and shove a blended rice mixture into their mouths.  I know VERY little on how to care for CP children but I'm pretty sure yanking their leg isn't great.  When the women saw me see them they looked at me and laughed nervously.  They obviously knew this wasn't okay. 

Before the other kids had lunch Skylee (the girl with Autism), skipped over to the Cambodian women.  They made fun of her until she came running over to me in tears.  She doesn't speak but I knew why she was upset.  Skylee is always smiles so to see her cry broke my heart.  I know the Cambodian women are not edjucated and I try to take this under consideration.  But I gave some downright dirty looks to these workers today. 

On the other side of the discipline spectrum are the nuns.  These sisters do not know the first thing about caring for children.  Many of the kids are turning into spoiled, ungrateful brats.  When they cry or throw tantrums, they are given treats.  I worry that prospective adoptive parents will see this behavior and be turned off.  These children are so sweet but they need proper discipline in order to become good human beings.  No, I'm not talking about spanking or hitting.  A simple time out would suffice.  But instead of a 5 minute tantrum-filled time out, they get their way or treats. 

A favorite treat are balloons.  It might be just me, but I think giving deflated balloons to children all under the age of four is dumb as heck.  One year olds are allowed to run around with them in their mouths.  They can can tear them, blow them up, pop them and ultimately eat them.  Yesterday I saw a disabled girl had a whole blue balloon in her mouth.  Why was I the only one upset by this!? 

It's frustrating because I can only do so much.  6 weeks is not long enough but it is all I have.  I hope I can teach the Cambodian women that making fun of Autism is not okay.However, if they don't have the instinct to be good human beings already, then it's pointless. 

I worry for Skylee as well as all the other children.  I want them to be good people and have good educations.  I want them to be kind to one another even if others are different.  I want them to love animals and treat them with respect.  I have four weeks left...   shit...

Comfort Noise

Laying in bed and listening to the traffic flow by.  Even though my window doesn't lead outside, it's loud enough to hear.  I just had yet another delicious meal and drank a refreshing Cambodian beer.  I'm relaxed, tired and completely happy. 
-Nikki just visited my room and said there were adult beverages on the roof.  Ok, NOW I'm completely happy.

...Now on the roof enjoying a vodka and sprite.  We are planning our vacation to the south coast over the Cambodian New Year.  It's great that I get to travel so much while I'm volunteering. 

My job placement is enough to maKe me pull my hair out, yet I wouldn't want it any other way.  I have no regrets about this trip and I only look forward for what's to come.  I love Cambodia, I adore the volunteers and the orphans make my heart whole.

Siem Reap - Part 2

I was so excited for my massage, especially the fact that it was only going to cost 6 bucks.  The place looked clean and well kept.  The girls wanted foot massages so they stayed downstairs.  I wanted a back massage, so I went upstairs.  It was an open room with lots of thin curtains.  I took my top off, layed down and focused on my breathing.  She had good pressure and a nice flow.  But then I heard noises coming from a couple sections away from me.  Man noises.  Happy noises.I cringed and tried not to listen.  Once he finished... I mean left... I enjoyed my lovely 6 dollar massage.

After the massages, we met the rest of the group for dinner.  I was starving and craving chicken.  I ordered a chicken sandwich and a mango smoothie with rum.  When the drinks came, I could barely get it down.  It tasted like powder and I later found out it was.  Now, I had low expectations about the food.  Sure enough, my sandwich tasted sour and rotten.  Gross.  Stephanie's fish dinner had tiny green bugs swimming in her rice.  Double gross.  As we left I stupidly looked through the window leading to the kitchen.  Cockroaches EVERYWHERE!  Imagine the worst amount of cockroaches you can and triple it.  That's how bad it was.  Triple gross.  By the end of the night, I had had enough of Siem Reap.  I was grumpy, disgusted and ready for bed.

The next morning, I awoke in a good mood.  I had a yummy breakfast at the hostel and had a fresh outlook on Siem Reap.  Soon after breakfast, Stephanie and I went into town for our cooking class while the others took off to the floating villages. 

Our class was at a nice restaurant named Le Tigre de Papier.  (I know I butchered the spelling).  We had a great group and had loads of fun.  The class began with a trip to the market.  We bought fresh, Cambodian lyche and watched fresh coconut be ground.  The whole experience was amazing.  I'm now a master chef in Fish Amok, papya salad, banana flower salad, Cambodian curry and noodles with vegetables.  When class ended we had to haul ass to the bus station.  We got there just as the bus was leaving.  Phew!  Things were looking up in good ol' Siem Reap! 

The 8 hour bus ride would have been better IF a) there weren't 100+ mosquitos.  b) if a person hadn't brought on fish.  c)  if the girl behing me didn't barf.  d)  if a dad would'nt have let his daughter poop just outside the bus for everyone to see.  e)  if the driver hadn't had drove like a maniac. 

Home at last.  Goodbye Siem Reap, It was real, but I'm a Phnom Penh girl!

Siem Reap - Part 1

After a six hour long bus ride, my group finally arrived in Siem Reap.  We were cramped and exhausted.  We found a tuk tuk and made our way to the hostel.  It was dark, dusty and quiet compared to Phnom Penh.As we reached the hostel, I noticed it was quaint to say the least. 

Alexa and I entered our room and I immediately spotted a dead cockroach.  There was no air conditioning (big surprise) and the bed looked quite questionable.  Without fretting too much, we dropped our bags and headed out for a bite.

Katie, Nikki, Nuno, Stephanie, Alexa and I decided on a place and sat down to eat.  I ordered a margarita and began to unwind.  Just as I was starting to relax, a creepy, middle aged white man came in with 4 Cambodian children.  They ordered food and ate as he eyed them.  The whole thing freaked me out and I could no longer enjoy my tequila or my food.  With all the news reports dealing with sex trafficing/slavery, I was watching that man like a hawk.  I never saw anything inappropriate so when we left I tried to think positively.

The next morning we had to wake at 4:00am.  It was rough.  We wanted to arrive at Angkor Wat by 6:00 to watch the sunrise.  Little did we know that the cloud coverage would spoil any and all plans of a beautiful sunrise.  Even without the morning sun, the temples were absolutely magical.  The size and design were jaw dropping. 

As I walked through the stone walls of Angkor Wat, I came across a monk.  I put a donation in his box and he immediately grabbed my hand.  While tying a small, red bracelet around my wrist, he chanted a prayer and blew air on my paw tattoo.  It was nice and made me feel great. 

However awe inspiring Angkor Wat was, it had quite a few downsides.  The beggers and sellers got on my last nerve.  They were all throughout the temples and there was no escaping them.  Imagine being at the mall and all the kiosk workers come running up to you, follow you after you've said no and some get too close for comfort.  All the harassment took away from my experience at the Temple.  By the end of the tour, a few of us were so tired that we viewed the last temple from the comfort of our tuk tuk.  I was spent and ready for lunch. 

Back in Siem Reap, we had lunch at great place called Soup Dragon.  I had a delicious frozen watermelon drink, a salad and veggie spring rolls.    I believe everyone enjoyed their meal!

After lunch I headed tthe markets.  I haggled my way to some excellent and cheap items.  Ready for a nap, I set out for the hostel.  Somehow getting turned around, It took me almost 3 hours to find my way.  It should have taken me 5 minutes...  As I finally got back to the hostel, the girls were headed to get a massage.  I joined them and walked 5 minutes into town.

To be continued...

Child Psychology

Working at the orphanage this week has educated me in more ways than one.  Not only have I mastered the cloth diaper but I also have payed attention to the mentality and lack of education with the nuns and care takers.  Everything from calling an Autistic girl, "mental" to telling a child that his family did not want him.I'm quite disgusted with the way these babies are mentally abused.

Getting to the orphanage on Friday morning, I could already hear the cries of multiple children.  I walked in the door and it was yet again, complete chaos.  I picked up the nearest crying baby and tried to gather the others to the playroom.Vishna, the crying baby, screamed if I sat him down for a second.  So that baby stayed on my hip the whole day...  The two twin girls cried and fought the entire time and the Carribean nun made sure to give her two cents about everything. 

I saw through the barred door that the autistic girl (no one knows her name) wanted in the playroom.  I excitedly went to let her in and told her to come have fun.  The Carribean nun stopped me and told me no.  She said, "that girl mental!  Do not let her in!  She'll rip and make mess.  She not right in head.  She mental!"  She yelled at the girl and forced her down the stairs.  I was furious and came close to yelling at the nun.  Instead, I politley said, "She's not mental.  She has autism and she just  needs more care.  I was ignored so I went back to giving Vishna attention.  Vishna is the baby I wrote of in a past post.  He was found on the streets 2 weeks ago. 

While entertaining the kids, A one yr old boy came to play.  One of the twin girls came after and he got upset and attempted to bite her.  Caribbean nun spanked him and told him to get away.  I gave him a stern look and he walked toward me.  He obviously needed attention, so I said "no bite" and that he could play.  Caribbean told me not to give him attention.  Argh! 

After playtime (a measly 30 minutes), we went downstairs.  I changed diapers, sang songs and avoided Caribbean.  There was a 2 year old boy constantly sobbing his eyes out.  Apparently he had just been dropped off in the morning.  Lovely.  So this poor, malnurished baby was scared and sad.  He had a small towel that he had brought from home.  A Cambodian worker tried taking it from him and got annoyed when he cried for it.  He was a mess and obviously did not want to eat.  She tried forcing him to and finally another volunteer stepped in.  When he calmed down Caribbean came waddling in to try and feed the child.  He refused her as well, so she said, "your family didn't want you.  What do you expect us to do?  Your family not want you so now you here."  Ugh!!

After not getting enough attention, the Autistic girl wet herself.  With Vishna glued to my hip, I stripped her, bathed her and looked for clean clothes.  A Cambodian woman took over and forcefully put the clothes on and then pushed her away. 

I worry for the childrens' mental health.  Clean clothes and food can only care for a child so much.  The kids need positivity and they need professional care.  There is such hypocracy running through the orphanage walls.  They have posters of Jesus which teach patience, no shame and tollerance towards children.  It's time they practice what they preach. 

Feeding the Street Children

Up on the roof again!  It's 9:00pm and I'm two rum-filled drinks deep.  A large group of us are booking our trip to Siem Reap tomorrow.  I had the day off from Maria Teresa.The nuns have prayer on Thursdays so volunteers and visitors are not allowed at the orphanage.  My roommate said I could tag along with her to her placement.  I jumped on the opportunity and headed out early this morning. 

Alexa works at a soup kitchen type place that feeds street children.  They get breakfast, lunch and these drinks that taste like bubble gum.  Mothers can bring their infants and get much needed formula. 

Once the hungry kids started pouring in for their food, I got a very close look at their dispair.  Most of them were filthy and had had on smelly, old clothes.  I'm now ashamed for thinking that the kids at my orphanage have it bad.  At least my babies have clean clothes, get bathed and get plenty of love and food.  The street children live in total poverty.  Most do not attend school and are forced to dig through garbage just to find glass bottles.  Kids as young as 4 years old ride their bikes great distances to receive a meal. 

It was tough to be affectionate with the children because of their filth.  But when a little girl with tattered clothing and unclean hair wants a hug, there is no way to refuse.  You smile, hug them and make their life better.  The meals were a bit chaotic.  The cook, (a nice lady/man) tells you whether the serving is for a small child or large child.  It was so hard giving a starving kid a tiny chicken wing and cup of rice.  The experince will haunt me for a while but make me appreciate everything I have.

After meals, we got to play games and draw with the children until they had to leave.  I taught a girl how to draw different things and she loved it.  It's amazing how universal art is.  I watched another girl write, "I love you" in both English and Khmer.  She was holding her 2 year old sister who definitely had CP.  The little sister flopped about and looked around aimlessly.  Other volunteers said they doubted that she had ever seen a doctor.  The big sister (maybe 6yrs old) carried the girl around as if she were a doll.  It broke my heart.  I was glad when we ended our day at 1:30.  The girls and I packed our towels, threw on our suits and headed to the stadium pool. 

We joked the whole way that the pool would probably be closed.  We got there and......  I don't wanna talk about it....  Let's just say we ended up in the city for rasberry lime daquiris and super sweet mai tais. 

Now, my eyelids are heavy and I need some sleep.  Goodnight everyone hope your day is swell and full of love, food and mai tais. 

First Day at Maria Theresa

I'm sitting on the roof of the volunteer house, having just finished lunch.  I go back to my placement at 2:30.  This morning was full of getting to know the children, wiping noses, feeding, playing and rocking.  Right now I need to reflect and take everything in.
When Katie and I entered the orphanage, we looked around at the dirty walls and metal bars.  There were religious photos placed about and a steep staircase.  When we could finally go up to see the kids, we climbed to the second story and a nun opened the metal door.  Almost immediately a little todler named Simone, with Downs Syndrome came running up to me.  He hugged me and held my hand.  Dragging me to the barred window he climbed on his metal bed and pointed out the window to a bird.  He stuck his hands through the bars and screamed with excitement.  I made chirping noises and whistled for him.  He laughed and continued smiling with pure bliss.  After leaving his hand, I looked around and tried to take everything in.  The 2 children in stollers that were frothing from their mouths, clearly had Cerebal Palsy.  The older one twisted his body with a pained look in his eyes.  Some of the other children were running and laughing and trying to show us everything.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw a baby sitting up in her blue-barred crib.  He was quietly crying and looking around.  I picked him up and he immediately rested his head on my chest and the tears stopped.  I rocked him and swayed side to side until it was time to meet the head nun, Miss Lilly.  Another nun tried to grab the baby from me but he cried and held to me like glue.She said, "he don't want to leave mama."  Finally separating us, the baby screamed and it took everything not to cry.  I later learned that the baby was taken from the streets just 2 weeks ago. 
Katie and I climbed another flight of stairs to a small room.  Miss Lilly introduced herself and and kindly smiled.  She is from India and has been a nun for 25 years.  She had thought I was staying 6 months but was content with me staying 6 weeks.We were told when lunch was and what times we needed to be there.  After the introduction we walked back down to the children.
The Cambodian women working there told us to put the todlers in a small room while they cleaned up their cookie mess.  It was tiny and hot, with a metal bed lined with a thin mattress and a bunk bed.  The children were definitley testing us and trying to get away with everything.  One boy kept climbing on a stool and trying to open a cupboard.  I took took it and put it on the top bunk.  He climbed up to it and would not come down.  Then another boy climbed up.  Keep in mind that all while this was going on,I was trying to listen to Simone tell me about the pictures and had a baby on my hip.  Thankfully Miss Lilly came in.  Those boys hopped off that bunk as if their lives depended on it!
Next was play time.  This was absolute chaos until more volunteers showed up.  Then it was just mildly chaotic.  A girl with Autism wanted to do nothing but rip books and paper.  We were warned not to let her do this.  Some of the children were looking at a book of animals.  A four year old boy (who looks 2 years old) could speak English and say the animal names.  Then the autistic girl came and snatched the book...  I yelled "NO" in Khmer and chased after her as she tore the animals in half.  I felt so bad for the other children because it was pretty much the nicest thing they had. 
Getting a closer look, I saw how dirty the babies and todlers were.  Their hands and feet were filty and their ears looks disgusting.  Most had dandruf and I'm suspecting lice as well.  They are sweaty from the heat and have cloth diapers, so it's very hard to tell when they've wet themselves. 
At lunch, the kids returned down to the second story.  They ate rice with cabbage, carrots and what looked like chicken.  It seemed as though they had plenty to eat.  They were given seconds and even thirds, if they pleased.  I sat at the low table and helped a small boy (probably 2), eat his meal.  After lunch they received tangerine wedges and then it was time for baths and naps.  The kids were barely hosed off, then placed in "clean" clothes.  I rubbed a child's back who has CP and brushed his hair from his forehead.  He squirmed and drooled but I think he appreciated the touch and affection.
So, now, as I try and bare this heat, I'm feeling no regret whatsoever.  I cannot wait to see what the next 5 weeks bring and I cannot wait to buy the children new toys and supplies.  They absolutely love this ripped and tattered disney princess tent and these cheap knock-off legos.  I wish I could spoil all these babies and make their pain go away.  I'll try my best and keep my hopes up. 

Dragon Fruit

Cambodia definitely has no shortage on amazingly fresh fruit.  Whether it's mango, pineapple, rose apple, tangerine or banana, it's all so ripe and flavorful.  I have yet to taste durian but I plan to by the end of my stay.  Supposedly it smells as strong as cheese but my roommate assures me it's yummy.  Since being here my favorite fruits have been the mango and dragon fruit.  I cannot get enough of it! 

Orientation

Today was orientation at the volunteer house.  We had a short history lesson on the rooftop and learned some important Khmer phrases.  The only ones I can remember is muy, pii, bei (1,2,3) and buy (rice).  I guess I better practice some more...  All of us volunteers learned our placements.  Some girls got placed as far as Siem Reap and Pursat.  I'm glad I'm staying in Phnom Penh.  It's more centrally located and I've made quite a few friends.  I am placed at an orphanage for smaller children.  It's called The Mother Teresa Orphanage.It's called Maria Theresa.  I was told it's more playing with the children and feeding them.  I'm really excited.  At this point I could give a crap that it's a religion-based orphanage.  I'm just ready to start helping the babies.  :)

After the lessons on the rooftop, we ate a fresh lunch of bell pepper, mango salad, rice and cabbage soup.Soooo good.  Once our tummies were full, we hopped on a bus and started our tour of Phnom Penh.  I got a look at the more established parts of the city.  Phnom Penh has cleaner areas with lots of wealth.  But the gap between the wealthy and poor is incredibly big.  I believe they said 90% of the population are farmers.  The first stop was at the stadium.  It was HUGE and as scary as it were big.  I tried really hard to conceal my fear of heights...  I think I did okay.  

Next we traveled to the S21 Museum.This is where Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge regime tortured their victims before sending them to the killing fields.  It was disturbing to say the least.  The empty metal beds, the photos of pain and the blood-stained concrete made me feel sick.  I think I've had enough of Pol Pot and his disgusting imprint on the country. I'm ready to focus only on the beauty of Cambodia.

We finished our tour at the Russian Markets.  It reminded me of the markets in Mexico, only bigger, more "fragrant" and cheap!  I bought a silk scarf, a light pullover and some pants for just around 6 dollars.  I talked them down just a bit.  I'll be a pro at purchasing from the markets in no time.  By the time we left, the dress I was wearing was soaked with sweat.  We came home and immediately washed our feet and faces. 

Tonight we are going to have a BBQ on the rooftop.  I'm so tired, I hope I sleep well.  Last night I had a nightmare that a half man was crawling like a crab up the stairs to my room.  Analyze that one for me, Freud.

A Walk to the Market and a Stop at the "Palace"

After coming home from the killing fields, I washed my feet.  I think little ants had been biting my toes because they were quite itchy.  I let the cold water drown my swollen feet for a while. 

Around 12, we ate lunch.  New volunteers had just arrived.  A boy from Portugal (haven't quite grasped his name yet) and Katie from Canada.Lunch was super yummy.  We had rice, carrots, ripe tomatoes, onions and beef.  I didn't eat the beef.  I'm just not ready for THAT kind of adventure yet. 

After lunch Katie from Canada, Portugal boy, Alexa from Singapore, Nikki from Australia and I... left for the Central Market.  Wow.  In the lovely 100 degree weather you can imaging the smells that lingered.  Lots of raw meat hanging with flies swarming.  There were different parts of fish everywhere and loads of interesting kabobs. 

We continued through the market and found the Mekong River (or so we thought).  I was excited, I thought we might get to dip our tired feet in...Well, remember that frothy stench-filled water I was telling you about?  Imagine that times a million.  No sir were my creepy long toes touching that water. 

We continued walking and came across what we thought was the Royal Palace.  Turns out it was just a Pagoda (place of worship).  We entered the pagoda and saw a monk.We were very quiet while our bare feet tip toed around.  By 4pm the heat really started getting to me.  Somehow we managed to find our tuk tuk driver and get home.

Now, having just showered, I'm more than ready for a nap.  I'm exhausted, sun-kissed and already sweaty.  I hope dinner is early tonight.  Orientation is tomorrow and I'll finally find out my placement Each day keeps getting more exciting! 

Journey to Genocide

The heat was so unbearable last night that I hardly got any sleep.  I kept waking up drenched in sweat.  We rose pretty early, took cool showers and grabbed a quick breakfast.  Nutella on white bread with fresh fruit.  Yum.  Our Aussie friends Tim and Laura were off, so we said our goodbyes and headed out.
Around 10 we caught a tuk tuk ride to the Killing fields.  The journey was definitely interesting.  There seems to be absolutely no rules when it comes to Cambodian driving.  People go as they please and honk their horns nonstop.  The poverty was incredibly worse than anything I've ever seen.  Trash fills the streets and wild dogs roam aimlessly.  Amongst it all, the Cambodian people seem happy.  They go about their simple lives and let us tourists snap pictures of their despair.  Along the way we saw a river filled with froth and sludge.  Before we could think the smell hit our noses and triggered our gag reflexes.  It was the most hideous odor.  Let me just say my dog's farts smell like roses compared to this.  After passing the stench-filled waterway, we finally reached our destination.  We paid 4 dollars and received our headset for the audio tour.

Nothing could have prepared me for the Killing Fields.  The large indentations of mass graves, the mounds of untouched sites and the tower of cracked and broken skulls brought tears to my eyes.  A space no bigger than my car was sectioned off.  Teeth and clothing still surface there during the wet season.  As I looked down I saw 2 adult teeth peeking out from the earth.  It sent shivers down my spine.
Further on the tour I saw a large tree standing alone.  When I got closer I could read the sign beneath it.  The tree had been used to kill infants.  Khmer Rouge soldiers would grab babies by their ankles and bash their heads against the trunk.  Once their skulls had been cracked, they were thrown in a ditch.  Tourists and locals have placed bracelets all around the area.  Alexa and I finished the tour and walked quietly to our tuk tuk.

We were silent most of the way home... until... that smell...  that nasty, river of grime and filth attacked us again.  We gagged, laughed and gasped for air.

Ryan Gosling in Cambodia

Ok, so Ryan Gosling isn't really in Cambodia but 6 of us volunteers are watching DRIVE.  This makes me happy.  Even though I am getting eaten alive by god knows how many bugs, Ryan Gosling in Cambodia makes this okay. 
The power went out around 5pm.  We ate dinner in the dark as the motos (motorcycles) and tuk tuks raced by.  The volunteers that have been here for a while gave us pointers.  I guess it is extremely hard to get an UNhappy ending massage here.  The power returned and we started the movie. 

My roommate Alexa and I get along quite well.  She is the same age as me and confirmed for me that gum is not allowed in Singapore.   We both chatted, complained about the heat and took midday naps.  I woke up drenched in sweat so I took a shower to cool down.  Even if the house had hot water, I wouldn't use it.  Tomorrow we are planning to explore the nearby markets and town.  Both of us agree that we need to buy better clothes and the markets will be the best place for this.  It amazes me how much... wait this is a good Gosling part.  Oh wow he's so dreamy.  Even Tim, my Aussie friend says Gosling is sexy.  Tim says, "Ryan Gosling is so fit."  Ok, what was I saying?  Right, It amazes me what a difference a day can make.  Yesterday seemed like the end of my life and today feels like the start. 

3rd Thoughts

Today I awoke queasy but refreshed (if that makes any sense).  I made myself get out of bed and go down for breakfast.  An Aussie volunteer named Tim offered me some of his veggiemite sandwich.  I held back a chuckle and kindly refused.  I nibbled on a tiny banana and a slice of white bread.
After breakfast, I unpacked my clothes, febreezed my room and made my bed.  I had lunch with a Trevor from Canada and we chatted for a while.  My roommate just arrived.  Her name is Alexa and she's from Singapore. 
I just realized that no one is wearing shoes.  It totally slipped my mind that i shouldn't be wearing them in the house...  whoops.

Second Thoughts

Yesterday was very tough.  After promptly being picked up from the airport, I took a 45 minute tuk tuk (a motorcyle with a carriage attached) ride to the volunteer house.  Riding through the dust-filled streets, I saw things I had never before seen.  The poverty, the animal cruelty and the horrible driving made my eyes and brain hurt.
A few girls said hi to me when I entered the house and then I was shown my room.  After climbing 3 stories, I entered my living space and immediately felt sick and overwhelmed.  The first thing that came to mind was, "how am I going to make it?"  I honestly thought of booking a flight home right then.  My room is small, smoldering and has no window to the outside.  I was alone, afraid and cluesless in Cambodia.  I shut the door, layed down on my bed and cried until I couldn't cry anymore.  I took some Xanax but even that didn't help.  I tried coming downstairs to socialize with the other volunteers but they were busy planning their trip to Siem Reap and didn't have much time for me.  So, I went back to my sauna - I mean room....  I proceeded to sleep through lunch and dinner.  Around 2:00am, I got up, took a cold shower, brushed my teeth and put my pjs on.  I crawled back in bed and tried to calm myself down.  This was happening and I had to suck it up and deal with it.  Closing my eyes, I hoped things would get better.